


'tis the damn season

by moonlizard (agstdboi)



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Aaron and Katelyn have a daughter, Alternative Universe – No Exy, Blow Jobs, Christmas AU, Fluff, Found Family, Frottage, I’m worried I need to tag this as OOC, M/M, Neil and Andrew have a lot less issues than usual but are still the same cuties, Side Allison Reynolds/Renee Walker, Side Dan Wilds/Matt Boyd, This story is just some flirting and sexual tension, it’s cute, they go to a Winter Resort and then go skiing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:27:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28344618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agstdboi/pseuds/moonlizard
Summary: He thinks, to his own horror, that he might enjoy not spending Christmas alone for the first time in a long time.Or the Found Family AU where Neil finally agrees to participate in his friends' tradition to take a trip and finds out he might go home with a little more than just fuzzy socks from Dan.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 14
Kudos: 131
Collections: #AFTGWinterJam 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi so, I'm trying my hand at this fandom? hope this is good lol. I've broken this in three chapters for better flow that I will be posting tomorrow and the day after.
> 
> If you want to chat about this or anything else here's my social media:  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/agstdboi)  
> [Tumblr](https://moonliza-rd.tumblr.com)

The only two things on Neil’s mind when he comes home after a meeting with his publisher’s PR agent is apple crumble and imminent death.

He thinks he can solve the first o them by assaulting his own fridge, but, as he wonders about the later, his appetite flows away.

According to Janice (Neil thinks her name being Janice just warrants more distrust coming from him) he needs a bigger presence online. Needs to get more personal with his fans, make them interested on what he’s writing next ( _Give them a peak_ , she said and crackled a loud laugh, _but don’t show too much otherwise we won’t be able to make money out of it_ ). She suggested starting with his Christmas decorations and sharing his plans for Christmas. Looking into him empty living room and thinking about his empty google calendar, Neil fills up the room with a sigh.

King interrupts his thoughts by coming over to him and rubbing between his legs, mewing loudly.

“What, you fat thing?” he asks, walking in the kitchen to check his food bowl. “Oh, you’re starving.”

He fills King’s bowl, who looks very smug about it before diving in, and situates himself on the grey couch of his living room. He thinks about the impersonality of this house, how little Neil is willing to scatter parts of himself in these rooms, just in case.

He sends Allison a message complaining about Janice and pops his laptop open, diving in the word document he started for his new book. Before he can write down enough pointers to call it a day, his phone is ringing with Allison’s name flashing on the screen.

“Do you have a carry-on?” Allison says instead of a greeting. Neil gets whiplash from talking to her most days, so he takes a minute to respond now, eyes fixed on King’s form causing a dent on the armchair opposite to him.

“I guess?” he forms his answer like a question, still confused.

“Great, get your passport ready, you’re getting on a plane in two days,” she says, voice sounding like she’s further away from her phone.

“Wait, what? I’m sorry-”

“You can’t say no, it’s a tradition and you’ve tried to escape it so many times, but if you do it this year Renee will be really sad and I’ll have to hold a personal grudge against you, which we can’t have–”

“I can’t leave King alone,” Neil tries to interrupt. Allison is having none of that.

“And before you ask you don’t need to do anything, the plane ticket is on your e-mail, I’ve arranged a car to drive you from the airport to the resort and not even Aaron and his wife are skipping it this year, and they have a two year old who’s so much trouble, but also the biggest sweetheart–”

“Okay, I guess I’ll go,” he says. The Renee card is not a fair one, but he should know Allison would play dirty in a situation like this.

“That’s settled then, now let me ask,” she says, like she doesn’t really think his verbal confirmation would make a lot of difference in whether he would go. “Do you have any skiing clothes? Winter jackets?”

“I might be able to produce something,” he lies easily. Allison makes a negative noise and hums, and again, Neil should’ve known better.

“I’m out right now getting you clothes, I’ll come by later to help you pack and we can talk about your meeting with Janice more, alright? Perfect,” she says, and Neil holds back a sigh and a complaint about the clothes. “Love you, babe.”

“You too,” he says, but Allison has already hung up by the time the words leave his lips.

Neil tosses his phone on the couch next to his and sends a desperate look into King’s direction, who looks extremely bored by this crisis and like he’d rather be pet right now than take part in any of this drama. He makes a metal note to send Julie from next door a text and ask her to feed King for a couple weeks.

He thinks, to his own horror, that he might enjoy not spending Christmas alone for the first time in a long time.

Neil finds Matt standing over a crowd in baggage claim, his hair longer than what it was when they last saw each other. He drags the duffel bag and, much to his dismay, the carry-on Allison filled up with clothes she bought herself. He believes the only things in his bag that are his own are the electronics and his underpants.

Dan Wilds is standing next to Matt, face lighting up when she finally sees Neil a few steps away from them. She has both hands around her baby bump, something that also grew a lot ever since Neil last saw them in August when he made a hesitant trip to South Carolina.

“Oh my God, it’s been so long since I saw your pretty face, you’re not allowed to disappear like this anymore,” she bats a hand at his arm lightly before embracing Neil fully. He brings his hands out of his pockets and hugs her back, careful not to squeeze her belly and sends Matt a panicked, getting only a wide and amused grin as a reply.

“I’m sorry,” he says when she pulls away, and for what’s worth he really is.

“You better fucking be,” Dan frowns up at him, hand coming up to push his curls away from his face. “We can’t have this little one’s godfather disappearing on us.”

And that makes Neil pause. Look between Dan, patting her own pregnant belly, and Matt, arms around his girlfriend’s shoulder, and the matching grins they sport in their faces.

What? Wait– what?” he asks, trying his best not to screech in panic.

“You weren’t supposed to tell him until we got to the resort,” Matt teases Dan while Neil continues to shake his head. He feels like a deer caught in the headlights, shake

“I know, but I took one look at his pretty eyes and couldn’t resist it,” she pouts, sending a secret smile his way.

“Don’t you want, I don’t know, someone that lives closer?” He asks and hates how small and insecure his own voice sounds. He feels like curling up on the floor and staying there until his next flight.

“Stop doubting yourself,” Dan says, swatting at his arm again. “Let’s please eat now before the next shuttle to the resort leaves because I need to put my feet up,” she’s pouting again and Neil decides not to question them anymore, helping Matt take their luggage to a restaurant inside the airport Dan was dying to try, according to her. Neil let her chat the hour away, giving his occasional impromptu and nodding in between bites. He glances away occasionally, to find Matt gazing lovingly at her, but offering nothing to their conversation.

Neil had forgotten how at ease Dan and Matt make him feel and for the first time in months allows himself to relax his shoulders against the booth and cover up his laugh behind his hand. Dan tells him about her classes in Palmetto State University, her brilliant students and the ones that seem a little uninterested, and in return he tells her about his endless meetings with the publishing company’s representatives, Allison nagging at him to start his new book already and King’s antics.

He insists on paying for lunch when they’re done, getting Dan to agree to it after some resistance and they take the shuttle leaving from the airport to the resort. On the way, Neil allows his eyes to soak in the light reflecting from the endless white blanket that cover the mountains and the blue skies that run along above them. He finds the lack of wind making the trees dance gives into a calmness that seeps into his bones and for the first time in a while there’s a welcoming silence in his mind instead of the usual stormy thoughts.

Allison and Renee are waiting in the living room when they pull up to the cabin they rented, Andrew and Kevin occupying the armchairs in front of them. Neil takes them in for a moment, Renee’s relaxed stance and the fond expression in Allison’s usually sharp eyes and relaxes.

He never got the chance to spend much time with anyone but Renee and Allison, much to Dan and Matt’s dismay. He remembers Kevin and Andrew – and Aaron, and Nicky – from a Christmas party years ago, while he was still in college and trying to get rid of his demons and from passing conversation by his friends. He does remember getting the twins’ judging stares and Nicky’s never-ending questions. He remembers getting along well with Kevin, for most of it.

“Oh my God!” Allison’s face lights up when she sees them walking in, shooting up from her seat in the couch and running towards Dan with no hesitation and Neil carefully puts a hand behind Dan’s back just in case he needs to keep her up, but Allison slows down a step away and then they’re hugging, gently but in the same firm manner that Dan had hugged him back at the airport. He meets Renee’s eyes across the room, and she is smiling and getting up from her seat, Kevin and Andrew following her close behind to greet Matt.

“I’m so glad you were able to come,” she tells him with the same honesty that always fill up her tone.

Neil grins, letting her grab his hand and leaving their bags behind so he can be introduced to the guys.

“I’m sure you all remember each other,” she says, waving a hand in the air in dismissal. Neil stands there while Renee and Allison fill Dan up with questions about the pregnancy and her classes and Matt starts to say something about the black Maserati parked outside.

“I needed something to drive around,” Andrew tells him and Neil for some reason takes note on the way his shoulders move in a barely-there shrug.

“Also, I guess we can relay the news to you now that Neil knows,” Dan interrupts everyone, and Neil does his best not to flinch because he knows what’s coming next.

“We asked Neil to be the godfather,” Matt explains animatedly at the confused stares and for a moment everything is quiet before the room is filled with loud Allison and Dan’s loud screams and Renee excited congratulations. He can see Matt joining the screaming just for the hell of it before they start happily chatting away about birth plans.

“That is so unfair though, I was sure you were going to ask us,” Allison says after a while and it makes Neil chuckle a little. He catches Andrew looking at him from the corner of his eyes but when he turns to him, he’s already looking away and Neil is forgetting it already.

Announcing him and Neil are taking their bags to the rooms, Matt starts grabbing his things and Renee offers to show them the way. Neil grasps at this opportunity to take a nap after dropping the luggage in Dan and Matt’s room, exhausted from a long flight across the ocean. His bedroom is in the second floor, next to Kevin’s and Andrew’s, Renee tells him. The headboard of his bed is pushed against dark wooden whiplash, the rest of the room painted in dark blue that helps him fall asleep easier than he normally would at his house in New York.

The sky is dark outside when Neil wakes up, auburn curls sticking to the dampness of his forehead and his shirt bundled up against his armpits. He takes a long, scalding shower, hoping to wash away the stiffness in his muscles. Neil grabs a loaf sitting on the nook in the shower wall and scrubs violently at his scared skin until is sensitive and reddish.

The clock on his phone tells him it’s one a.m., and Neil understands with he feels so disoriented. If he listens closely, he can tell no one is awake; the only sounds he can pick out are of furniture creaking and the wind blowing outside. The resort’s cabins are so spread out he probably couldn’t hear anyone that isn’t in this cabin, not even the company’s shuttles or any group of people walking back from a late night at one of the resort’s bars.

It makes his heart rumble in his chest, the idea of a serenity that Neil could never get if he was in New York right now. Neil grabs one of the turtlenecks Allison had bought him and drags it over his head, pocketing his phone so he could go downstairs. He hesitates before his laptop, thinking about the empty word document for the book sitting in his folders, but the guilt is not enough to convince him to grab the computer.

Neil jumps in the kitchen and, when he finds a box of some Yorkshire tea, starts on making himself a cup. He tries to ignore the way his chest squeezes when brings the brewed cup up to his face to take a sip, allowing the bittersweet taste swim in his tongue ad bring back memories from a time in his childhood where things weren’t so wrong.

The floor to ceiling windows in the main area allow him to glance outside and catch movement that makes him peak with interest. There’s no snow falling outside, and he considers his damp hair for a moment before deciding he’s too curious to ignore it.

Andrew doesn’t turn around when Neil steps out on the porch. He perched against the railing, cigarette between his fingers and all Neil can see as he steps closer is his side profile and the way his eyes are fixed somewhere beyond the trees in front of the cabin.

“Allison said you’re a famous writer now,” he says, not turning around to look at him. Neil forces himself not to lean into his space for a sniff at the smoke coming from his stick.

“Somewhat notorious” Neil says, trying to not sound like a prick. He hates the word famous, for reasons that make Allison want to schedule him for therapy.

“Did you spend all of your money then?” the sounds of his winter jacket ruffling are loud when Andrew turns around, leaning back against his elbows on the railing. He has an eyebrow arched and Neil feels almost ashamed under his gaze.

“What?” Neil says, pulling both hands on his teacup and pressing it against his chest with some protectiveness. His fingers are pinkish, already frost bitten from the minutes he’s spend out in the cold air.

“I imagine you have enough money to buy yourself a proper jacket,” Andrew tilts his chin towards his chest and Neil hopes he can pretend the redness of his cheek is just the cold.

“Can I have one?” he indicates to the cigarette as Andrew closes his lips around the stick to take a puff.

“Forgot yours?” Andrew asks, but he’s already putting out the pack from his pocket.

“Don’t smoke,” Neil replies, absent minded as he watches Andrew pause mid-lighting up the cigarette that he placed between his lips to arch his eyebrow at Neil again. “I like the smell,” he explains and picks the stick from between Andrew’s lips to hold it close to his face as he takes the space in the rail next to him.

They stand in silence for a while, Neil sipping occasionally on his tea and ignoring the heaviness of Andrew’s gaze on his face and he lets the cigarette burn down. Neil doesn’t know how to do this, make conservation with strangers and Andrew makes him nervous for some reason, so Neil just drinks his tea and lets the silence sit comfortably between them. He is curious though, can’t help if his job is to be inquisitive and explore things in a way that people normally wouldn’t.

“What about you?” he asks, after some time, despite himself. He turns to Andrew and finds him tilting his head again, to side, in a quiet question. “Still in academia?”

“I’m a psychiatrist now,” Andrew says, looking away. Neil finds his voice growing on him, deep and warm. He keeps his eyes on Andrew, the way the wind reddens his cheeks over his freckles and his glasses glint under the porch light.

Neil’s cigarette has almost stopped burning by the time Andrew crunches up his own stick under his shoes. He reaches out with a pale hand, careful not to touch Neil’s skin and brings the cigarette up to his lips to take a deep drag, making it flash orange for a moment and start burning again. Neil doesn’t look away from his eyes the entire time but is still confused by the time the cigarette is pressed back in his fingers and Andrew is shoving his hands in the pocket of his jacket.

He considers Neil for a moment longer before stepping closer and blowing the smoke from his lungs into Neil’s face.

“It was very nice seeing you again, Josten,” he says, dropping his gaze before walking away. Neil breathes in the scent of nicotine in the air and finds that he can’t calm down his heart for some reason.

The resort Allison picked has full breakfast service in the cabins if you choose that option, but for the sake of exploring the whole place Allison convinces everyone to eat in a restaurant near the skiing mountain. It’s extremely bright, with large windows, surrounded by snow that reflects the morning sun into the glass.

The seven of them meet Nicky and Erik at one of the tables, eating to their heart’s content away already. Earlier, this morning, Aaron and his wife Katelyn had arrived with their daughter, Maria. Neil had been shocked when he first met Aaron and Andrew, shocked by the similarities. His second meeting is different: he can easily pinpoint which is which without so much of a second glance. Maria, who had turned three recently – as she promptly informed the whole room as she walked in – is a very talkative kid. She filled up the morning induced silence in the shuttle to the skiing mountain with stories about her new school and Teddy’s (her puppy) many adventures. She mainly directed her rambling to Andrew, but Neil sitting in the row behind them couldn’t help but pay attention to her talking.

“She’s a cute kid,” he told Andrew as they stepped out of the shuttle and into the restaurant. Maria had sprinted ahead, jumping into who Neil’s deduces is Nicky, if her screaming his name loudly is anything to go by.

“I see that you found your jacket,” Andrew replies, tugging at the fabric by Neil’s wrist. Neil can’t help the grin forming in his lips, Giving Andrew’s own skiing outfit a once over: from his all black attire to the reflective googles and the beanie he held in his hand.

“When Allison said you were coming I didn’t believe her, Neil,” a voice pulls his eyes away from Andrew, somewhere ahead of them. Neil turns around quickly enough to prepare for Nicky putting his arms around him and he does his best not to freeze or flinch.

Neil reminds himself about the many times Allison has invited him to her end of the year trips, mentioning Nicky, Kevin, and the twins by passing. Right now, under Nicky and Andrew’s gaze, he tries to look sorry about the many invitations he refused from everyone.

“It’s nice to be here,” he says, in a small voice. “I was excited to get to see you guys again,” he lies, and it seem to satisfy Nicky enough to make him beam at Neil and start dragging him to the table.

“Come on, you need to tell me all about your books and your life in New York– Allison said you’re living close to them, right? Andrew is in Brooklyn and he never lets me visit.”

“Yeah,” Neil says, sheepishly, sitting down as Nicky presses him on the chair. He does his best to take a few deep breaths, ignoring the way the touch makes his skin crawl. Neil can have a perfectly normal conversation with a human being without having a panic attack, he knows that, but the more Nicky touches him the more he feels like that truth won’t hold.

“Nicky,” Andrew interrupts his cousin’s rambling, making Neil take his eyes away from the table. “I want pancakes.”

Nicky looks only slightly confused for a moment before grinning at his cousin and getting up from his seat. “I’m going to get you some. Neil, want anything?”

“I’m–” he tries to say something, looking between Nicky and Andrew before settling on the later and hoping his desperation is not seeping through.

“Bring him some English tea,” Andrew tells Nicky, not looking away from Neil’s eyes.

He can hear Nicky’s voice fading away, as well as feel the presence of his friends chatting next to him, but he can’t bring himself to break his stare.

“Breathe, Neil,” Andrew’s voice is low and commanding and Neil surprises himself when he follows the instruction, making a sharp intake of air. He notices the pattern of Andrew’s fingers tapping the table and follows them as he takes in a couple of more breaths.

When Nicky returns, placing a plate with a huge pile of pancakes in front of Andrew and a tray with tea and milk in front of Neil, he has already calmed down enough to mutter a thank you. Somehow Kevin hops him into a conversation about skiing and Neil feels relaxed enough to talk with him for the rest of breakfast in a small voice.

He notices the questioning gazes Dan send his way and he does his best to smile reassuringly at her while Kevin rants about the best equipment they could rent here. When everyone, sans Dan, Aaron and Maria, leaves for the base of the mountain to rent the equipment, Neil feels exhausted but settled. Eventually, when he’s teaching Matt how to do a particular difficult turn, he performed last time they went down the mountain, Neil’s already forgotten about his panic attack.

Until watches as Kevin and Andrew walk in their direction, the later with a snowboard under his arm, that is. Then he suddenly remembers how exhausted he feels and decides to leave to the cabin.

“Aw, alright then,” Matt complains but is still grinning at Neil. “Ask Dan if she wants to go, too?” and as Neil nods, he gives him a pat in the back.

“I’ll go with you,” Andrew says, pulling out his googles and beanie to reveal his rather messy blond hair. Neil bites his bottom lip to keep the protest from leaving his mouth, but he guesses Andrew could tell because he justifies it. “Aaron wants to do this, and someone has to watch Maria.”

Neil nods quietly as they walk away to return the equipment and meet Dan and Aaron at one of the cafes after Andrew shots them a text. Maria is immediately jumping on Andrew’s arms, grabbing at his neck, and giggling. Aaron and Neil help Dan up and the former leaves them to the base of the mountain.

Maria crashes as soon as they get to the cabin and Dan is excusing herself to take a shower and a nap, Neil making her promise to call for him in case she needs anything and suddenly Andrew and Neil are alone again.

“Thank you,” Neil tells him after a few minutes of silence in which Andrew had put the TV on and picked a channel with a history documentary on. Andrew glances at him, head lolled against the back rest and Maria sleeping in his chest and Neil can see his eyes trailing down the scars on his face quickly before moving away.

“Are those the reason you don’t like being crowded?” Andrew asks in a whisper, careful not to wake Maria up.

“Something like that,” Neil tells him, feeling a bit like being honest. He settles, feet up in the couch and knees bent against his chest and before he can hear Andrew’s response, he’s already falling asleep.

Neil wakes up disoriented and tired again, but this time he doesn’t have any nightmares. He’s glad, because when he comes around, he’s still in the living room, Andrew sitting next to him with his eyes glued to the TV, no more Maria in his lap. He can hear voices in the kitchen behind Andrew and he blinks the sleepiness away, watching the relaxed way he’s sitting next to Neil.

The spell of his nap is broken by Renee’s voice calling somewhere closer. “Oh, Neil’s awake.”

Andrew turns his face to look at him at the same time Neil looks at Renee, smiling sheepishly. They let him know about the plans to go to a bar for dinner and he’s out of the couch apologizing and promising to not take too much time in the shower. Andrew, who also didn’t move from his spot while Neil was asleep makes no such promise as he follows him up the stairs to get ready.

Allison helps him pick his outfit when he’s ready, thick white knitted sweater and a caramel coat, dries and fixes his curls for him.

“You got to let me do your makeup on Christmas’ Eve,” she tells him while he seats in the bed waiting for her to be done. Neil doesn’t promise her anything but thinks he might not mind spending some more time with Allison.

By the time they arrive at the bar, Neil has already shredded the coat and is dying to get rid of the sweater. He’s not wearing anything underneath the item, so he contents himself with pushing his sleeves up to his armpits and trying to convince himself that no one is looking at his arms.

He feels someone pressing to his side while he’s at the bar, two hours into dinner, and looks to the side to find Andrew with a drink in his hand, elbows to the counter, watching the dance floor.

“Not an alcohol fan?” he asks, slowly turning his eyes to look at Neil. Neil holds his gaze, shaking the soda can in front of him to find it half-empty already.

“Not a fan of being out of myself,” Neil says in return. He looks at the golden liquid in Andrew’s cup, trying to guess the contents.

“Scotch,” Andrew says, to his silent question, but he’s so close Neil could smell the answer in his breath before he speaks up.

“Not fun,” Neil arches an eyebrow, turning around in the bar stool and putting his elbows on the counter too. He feels his arm brush against Andrew’s turtleneck, electricity running through his nerves where they touch and feels like he’s missing something important.

Neil doesn’t remember Andrew’s eyes being this piercing back then.

“What _do_ you know about fun?” Andrew asks, turning his body around so he’s facing Neil, one of his elbows still propped up on the counter.

“A thing or two,” Neil tells him, shrugging. Truth is, he can’t think about many things right now, feeling the heavy gaze of Andrew’s eyes on his. He pays attention to the brown tones of his eyes, this time, committing to memory the way they investigate Neil’s before Andrew walks away.

Neil tries to bite down the disappointment of losing the heat of the body against his, eyes fixed on Andrew’s back as he takes a couple steps before he turns around.

“Are you coming or no?” Andrew asks, surprising Neil for a moment before he’s pushing away from the counter, downing the rest of his drink and following Andrew through the bar until they reach a pool table, covered in a white fabric and with neon line attached to the edge. He silently follows Andrew through setting the game up and gets the first go.

He’s somehow so entranced by it that he doesn’t notice Matt and Renee have come around to watch until there are three balls on the table only, two evens and the black one. Despite being slightly behind, Neil is smiling so widely from all the bantering, eyes meeting Andrew’s across the table as he takes a swing and pockets number fourteen in the hole right where he’s standing.

“Want raise the stakes?” Andrew asks, when Neil steps next to him to take a swing at his other coloured ball. Neil gives him a head tilt, indicating that he’s listening, but doesn’t straightens up. Andrew bends down, one of his hands supporting his weight against the table, whispering very lowly in Neil’s ears. “Pocket both with one swing and you can ask me for anything. Don’t, and I get to ask.”

Neil feels a cold shiver running down his back, which is impressive since he feels like he’s trapped inside an oven now. He considers Andrew for a moment, silent, eyes holding up Neil’s stare, challenging. He smirks and decides he will take it, the stakes tilting oddly in his favour despite the possible outcomes. When he takes a strong swing his eyes never leave the white ball, following as it bounces around the table and stops, just short of falling in one of the corner pockets.

He feels warm still, and when disappointment doesn’t wash over him at losing, he realizes he needs an actual drink, or ten, and presses the stick against Matt’s chest before fleeing away with a flimsy excuse about finding Allison.

He leaves them behind with Andrew’s voice ringing in his head, following his through the bar. “Better lucky next time, pretty boy.”

Somehow the pet name sounds a lot less insincere to his ears than Neil thought it would.

Next morning Neil drags himself out of his room with something like anticipation swimming bellow his nave and, as he finds Andrew’s eyes watching him from the kitchen, he realizes it’s not going away so soon.

It becomes worse when Andrew offers to drive him to the city nearby to do the Christmas shopping Neil had forgotten. He agreed, trying not to sound too eager at the idea of learning more about Andrew, and put on his winter coat to follow him out of the house and getting in the passenger seat of his rented car. Neil foregoes watching the road and endless line of trees that seem to follow them all the way down the mountains, choosing instead to pay attention to Andrew’s hand gripping the steering wheel and the way his eyes stays fixed on the path ahead of them.

“Staring,” Andrew says, after a long while. Neil tries not to startle, keeping his eyes on Andrew’s profile and trying to read the small shift in his expression.

“I was thinking,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest when Andrew finally does glance at him with heavy eyes.

“Don’t, you’ll hurt yourself,” Andrew replies, pressing a button on the steering wheel and taking a turn to the right, making them appear right in the middle of a village. Neil scoffs and keeps his eyes crossed as Andrew navigates the streets with ease until he finds a nice commercial area and parks the car.

“You and Aaron don’t seem very close,” he finally says as they walk into a chocolate store, the bell chiming above them indicating their presence to one of the workers behind the counter. Andrew barely looks at her, so Neil is the one that tells her, in German, that they don’t need any help.

When he looks back at Andrew, he’s staring Neil down, a slight ting of surprise colouring his expression. Neil simply shrugs and steps around him to look at some weirdly shaped chocolate bars with colourful splashes on them.

“We’re not,” Andrew says, somewhere to his left and Neil takes a moment to recover the conversation before he nods, slowly. “How many languages do you speak?” Andrew asks, instead of letting him prod more at the subject, and Neil isn’t surprised. If there’s one he’s learned about Andrew is that he’s quick with his tongue and never one for going around in circles.

“Three, including English,” Neil tells him and picks up some of the boxes deciding that Matt would love to bake something with them. Andrew picks some things up too, although he has a bigger pile than Neil, and they check everything out. Before they leave the store, Andrew glances at the worker by the door and thanks her in fluent German.

Neil bites back another smile and follows him out of the door and towards a coffee shop Andrew wants to check out.

Neil walks into the living room with five bags from different stores and finds the girls spread on the couch and the floor. He can’t tell they’re in different stages of drunk, Dan being completely sober, as Neil guesses the cup in her hand is filled with just coke and no rum and Allison being extremely gone, if her yelling Neil’s name as he steps aside to let Andrew in is anything to go by.

“Come sit with us,” she asks him, patting the space in the floor next to her. Neil looks at Andrew, who raises an eyebrow at him in a silent challenge, getting a small shrug back. “Not you, Andrew. You must leave. Top secret conversation.”

At her eyebrow wiggle, Dan and Katelyn start giggling and Neil falters, if only for a moment, but Renee smiles at him in a gentle way and he guesses this couldn’t be a trap, if she’s in it. Renee is way too nice to lead him willingly into the lion’s den, so Neil takes her presence as reassurance and situates himself in the space between Allison and Dan’s legs, giving the later a pat in the ankles as if to greet her. He must smile at Andrew reassuringly before he finally agrees to leave the room with the excuse to find the others.

“So,” Allison says, as soon as Andrew is out of view, and Neil has a voice in his head telling him this is a bad idea. He hums, noncommittedly. “Now that you got to meet everyone better, how do you feel about them?”

Neil frowns at her, glancing out of the corner of his eye to Katelyn, who’s a part of _them_ , if he’s guessing it right and Allison wants to talk about the group of people Neil meet in this trip. She shrugs, as if to let him know she doesn’t care much about the way Allison spoke and Neil takes a deep breath before telling her, in the most diplomatic tone he can muster, “They’re fine.”

“You’re not asking the right questions, Allison,” Katelyn tells her when Allison groans in frustration, swirling her cup and winking at Neil conspicuously. He is starting to get a headache from trying to understand what’s going on.

“Okay then,” Dan says and really, Neil should’ve known better than to trust any of his lifelong friends. He turns around to find her already looking at him, an unreadable smile in her lips as she reaches over to run her hand through his curls. “Do you like Andrew?”

Neil wishes he was drunk right now.

“He’s fine,” Neil says, trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone in the room, and tries to ignore Allison’s loud snort next to him. 

“A fine piece of meat, that is,” she mumbles against her wine glass and receives a warning tap from Renee against her shoulder. Neil tries not to choke on air. “I’m just being honest, babe, if I wasn’t extremely gay for you and Andrew wasn’t extremely gay in general–”

“I don’t think you should be telling me this,” Neil interrupts her, sounding even more strained than he feels.

“–I would be getting on it, hate sex and all of that,” she finishes, and Neil can hear his own heart beating loudly in his ears. There’s something to be said about his self-control as he tries his best not to think about _Andrew_ and _sex_.

“I’m going to bed,” he tells them, getting up very quickly and ignoring the sounds of protests coming mostly from Katelyn and Allison and Renee’s censuring them as he skips up the stairs and closes the door to his bedroom behind him. He sighs in the empty room, taking as many deep breaths as he needs and, when that doesn’t work, he ignores his fast beating heart to take a very cold and very long shower.

He doesn’t think about their conversation again, except he does. It sits in the back of his mind when he goes to sleep that night and is still there when he wakes up; Neil tries to go skiing with Kevin, Matt and Erik and not think about Allison’s words, he eats lunch and goes to the very empty gym in the resort later that day to keep himself occupied from the things that were said last nights and he manages, marginally, to do so. That is, until he goes to the porch after everyone’s gone to bed and finds Andrew there, perched against the railing, smoking.

Then he thinks of the conversation in the bar, playing pool and drinking. Neil thinks of the looks over coffee mugs when they went to the town and wonders. Maybe, there’s basis to his wishful thinking.

“I see you’re done avoiding me,” Andrew greets him, and Neil feels hot liquid swim in his navel.

“Missed that stupid mouth of yours,” Neil says, before he can keep himself from obviously and openly _flirting_. If Andrew is surprised by the blatant wording, he doesn’t show, and Neil doesn’t know how to take that.

“Is that so,” Andrew states, taking a final drag of his cigarette and stubbing it out on the railing. Neil watches him intently and for the best part of his movement, Andrew keeps eye contact, pulling away from the parapet and stepping closer to Neil, but not crowding him. “I still have a request to cash in.”

“Ask away,” Neil says, trying hard not to look at Andrew’s mouth.

Andrew takes a moment to watch Neil, in which the later just stand there and doesn’t allow himself to falter. There’s anticipation prickling in the air and, as Andrew’s eyes focus somewhere on Neil’s lips, even if just for a second, Neil understands he’s not the only one in this. “How do you feel about swimming?” Andrew finally says, voice a little on the rough side.

“In the freezing lake?” Neil says with a teasing bite to it and watches Andrew rolls his eyes in return.

“Idiot,” he calls, shoving his hands into the pockets of his winter jacket. Neil has half a mind to do the same, even if only to keep himself from brushing away the strands of hair falling over Andrew’s warm-toned eyes. “The heated pool in the basement.”

“Oh,” Neil frowns. He didn’t know about that.

“Yeah, oh,” Andrew says and even if he doesn’t smile, not really, there’s an underlying amusement in his tone that makes Neil think he might.

“Just to be clear, your request is that I go swimming with you,” Neil says it slowly and at Andrew’s slight nod he hums lightly. “Do I need to take off my shirt?” He asks, trying his bad not to sound breathless.

“You don’t have to do it,” Andrew tells him, taking a step away to cement his words, and giving Neil some space. Neil watches him intently for a moment and, slowly as if not to startle Andrew, takes a step forward so they’re back in the same position. Neil can count the freckles on Andrew’s cheeks and nose from this distance, as well as his fluttering eyelashes.

“Give me a minute to change,” he says, at last. Andrew nods again, but it’s a while before any of them move, too entangled in each other’s gravity centre to do anything else. When Neil finally pulls away, he feels disoriented from stepping away. He feels like he was under a spell, enchanted, out of himself. It’s a strange thought, but not even that is enough to sober him up, so he does a contained run to his room with nothing but his heart beating in his ears and changes into running shorts and some thick sleeveless shirt he finds in the back of his carry-on.

Despite himself he walks up to the mirror in the bathroom of his suite, tries to fix his ever-wild hair even though he’s about to wet it, and unconsciously rubs away at the burn scaring on his cheekbone.

He’s come a long way since he got these. He doesn’t mind being touched on his arms that much, allowing Renee to hold his hands and run her soft fingers through his burnt knuckles, and he loves to soak in the love of Dan’s touch to his cheeks whenever she’s feeling particularly parental and in need for someone to fuss over – which is almost always, he concedes. Neil doesn’t care for the people he loves replacing the awful memories of his childhood on his skin with nothing but love, but he certainly does not want any strangers anywhere near his naked torso. He’s not scared of the touch either, he’s self-conscious about the intense looks the scars get him.

He spends a long time considering if he should show Andrew the scars, if he would be disgusted or bothered by the sight, that by the time he arrives to the basement, Andrew is already in the pool. He stops in the middle of a lap when Neil drops to sit on the edge and swings his legs into the warm water, slowly sighing at the delicious feeling.

Neil tries, he swears, to not stare. He doesn’t care how the water droplets running down Andrew’s blond locks, pushed back, and soaked, running down the pale skin of his neck and his very bare and very muscular torso. He doesn’t care for the curves of his shoulders and biceps, or even the thin black fabric hugging his forearms, from elbow to wrist. Neil does not look down and notice that Andrew is wearing ridiculously small shorts? Trunks? He doesn’t look, he doesn’t care.

“Took you long enough,” Andrew says, and he’s a little out of breath and, even though he gives Neil a neutral, almost bored, once-over – eyes focusing a little longer on his thighs pressed against the brim of the pool – there’s a glint to his brown eyes that make Neil’s chest burn with, well, with _something_.

“Making sure I look good,” Neil tells him, holding his next breath when Andrew starts to swim lazily towards him.

“You don’t need any time to do that,” Andrew straightens up when he’s close enough to touch Neil’s knees with his chest if he moved even just a little forward. His words make his heart skip a bit and Neil has half a mind to care about it. “Are you not jumping in?”

Neil, too distracted by the view of Andrew’s ridiculously sculptured chest and shoulders, needs to literally shake himself out of a trance to reply. “Step back,” he asks, and jumps in when Andrew does, fully submerging under the water for a moment. He tries to rub the chlorine and hair away from his eyes before he opens them up again to find Andrew, not that far away, watching him. As he expected the water is shallow, coming up to his ribs when he places his feet firmly to the bottom. He feels the small waves he created by jumping in swinging his body marginally but somehow, he also feels extremely grounded by the gaze of Andrew’s eyes.

“You’re ridiculous,” Neil says, for the lack of anything else, and it makes Andrew roll his eyes.

“You’re the delusional one, your lack of self-awareness is not cute,” Andrew tells him, dropping so his chin is almost touching the water and swimming away from Neil.

“Tell me more about my issues, Dr. Minyard,” Neil rebates, slowly walking towards him. Andrew scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“You are way too fucking old to be my patient,” Andrew tells him before dumping his head underwater and swimming around for a while.

“Do you only take kids? I can’t imagine how the parents take your swearing,” Neil tells him, putting his back against the brim of the pool and watching the blond swim in circles around.

“I work with kids that are or were in the foster system at some point,” Andrew tells him after a while and something settles in the air, a seriousness that wasn’t there before. “Something about doing onto others what you wish had been done onto you,” Andrew confesses in a soft voice, not looking at Neil.

“I could’ve done with someone that understood me during my childhood,” Neil tells him, with unexpected honesty even to himself. If Andrew is surprised by his confession he doesn’t show.

“Something about you makes me want to run my mouth,” Andrew tells him after a moment of silent consideration.

“Recognition, perhaps,” Neil says, breathless. Andrew is stepping closer, softer look in his eyes but the same neutral set of his mouth as always.

“I’ll let you know, don’t need my professional opinion to know you think way too little about yourself,” Andrew whispers, and then there it is again, the softness of his voice. The pull of his gravity centre, making Neil step closer to Andrew until they’re both standing half an arm-length away, in the middle of the pool.

“The scars don’t particularly help the case,” Neil says, for the lack of any other good reply.

“You’re ridiculous, Josten.”

“So you’ve said, Minyard,” Neil rebuts, more of a bark than a bite kind of dog. He wants to smile, the bickering making his stomach swirl and his heart skip a beat.

“You’re also ridiculously attractive,” Andrew says under his breath, but with only the occasional sound of the water moving in waves filing the silence, Neil hears it loud and clearly. He stays uncharacteristically quiet, Neil Josten rendered for the first time in a while speechless and shocked. Andrew never waivers, though, stepping closer to Neil until there’s nothing but a few inches between them. “And I would like to kiss you, Neil, if you’d want it.”

“I’m – what? I’m not – shit,” Neil brings his hand up to run it through his wet hair. He hopes, desperately, that he’s not blushing.

“Is it a no?” Andrew asks, moving to step back.

“Wait, no – don’t. Don’t move,” Neil says, hands hovering close to Andrew’s shoulder before he thinks better of it and pulls them to himself. “It’s not a no. You just caught me by surprise.”

“Are you that dense?” Andrew asks him, tilting his head to the side. Neil is distracted for a moment, by the colour of his eyes and the cut of his cheekbones before he can finally find his voice again.

“I’m not, it’s just not a given that you would kiss me,” Neil says, and he feels more than sees Andrew considering his words.

“True,” he says finally. He glances at Neil’s hands, hovering over his shoulder and sighs. “You can touch my shoulders and my hair, if you want.”

Neil sighs back and puts his hands lightly on Andrew’s wet blond hair, where the strands are short, right above his nape. He doesn’t think he could handle the feeling of the muscles on his shoulders under his fingertips now. Although, with the way Andrew relaxes under his hands right now, makes he think he can’t handle this either.

“You can touch me, too,” Neil says and Andrew moves a little closer, hands hovering under the water next to Neil’s hips and glancing up at him for a moment. When Neil nods he finally presses his fingers to Neil’s side and it makes him sigh again. “May I?” he asks, tilting his head down so his lips are close, almost touching Andrew’s.

“Yes,” Andrew says curtly and suddenly the supernova Neil didn’t know had been on his chest explodes and all he can do is watch and feel the warmth of it spreading all over his body. The feeling of Andrew’s mouth, soft and wet, against his is inexplicable. Neil kisses him, the sounds around them muted and forgotten. There’s just the feeling of the chlorine on Andrew’s hair under his fingertips and of Andrew’s warm hands against his hips, burning him even over his clothes.

He doesn’t want to pull away, complaining with a whine when Andrew does so, biting on his lower lip and taking short breaths before coming back and taking Neil apart with his tongue again. It’s exhilarating and it makes everything inside of Neil flip upside down. He wants more, scrambling by dropping both his arms around Andrew’s shoulders and pulling him even closer despite himself.

Andrew, tasting of cigarettes and the white wine they had for dinner, barely gives him time to get his heart under control, doing one thing with his tongue at the same time he swipes his fingers over his hips and tries to pull him closer again.

It’s soft and tentative, incredibly hot but also like having cold water poured down your back on a summer afternoon. It’s, to Neil’s surprise, exactly how he imagined Andrew would kiss like. Careful touches, firm in their position but never a given. It’s the idea that he could pull away at any moment that make Neil want to bask even more in the feeling of it.

When they finally pull away to catch their breaths, Andrew’s forehead pressed against his, Neil wants to whine once more.

“Andrew,” Neil says, breathlessly. He keeps his eyes closed, to scared to open them and find that he broke the spell.

“You’re a goddamn pipedream, Josten,” Andrew says, under his breath and it makes Neil open his eyes and stare back at the warmth of Andrew’s brown irises.

“I’m as real as you can get,” Neil jokes, and watches the way Andrew’s plump, swollen lips curl themselves in half a smile, not cruel, but frustrated almost.

“You’ll be the death of me yet,” he says, pulling closer, digging his fingers deeper in his sides and making Neil sigh contently.

“We might as well make the most of it then,” Neil replies, and dips his head once again, slowly enough for Andrew to pull away if he wished to. He doesn’t and soon enough he’s bursting under the care of his mouth and his hands, trying to control the hot liquid swimming somewhere in his navel.

He doesn’t know how long they stay kissing in there, he just knows that by the time he’s done he has pruney fingers and is pretty sure Andrew has marked himself permanently on his skin. He doesn’t stop shaking with the feeling of it for a long time, not even after he falls asleep with still wet hair from a shower and the taste of Andrew still permanent under his tongue.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol so. I'm sorry? This is shit and also it took me ages because I've been working overtime every day these couple of weeks.
> 
> Here's a couple thousand of words of sex, have fun and ignore how bad my characterization of them is, thank you.

In the grand scheme of Neil’s life, getting ignored by the guy he shared a kiss(es) with is a champagne problem. Still, that doesn’t keep him from worrying about it all the way through the next couple of days. It doesn’t help that Andrew hasn’t said or done anything about it to him and, even though they haven’t had many opportunities to talk alone, it still covers Neil in doubt all the way through Christmas’ day.

Neil shuffles a little on the couch, jeans-clad legs curled under himself. At some point there were fingers running through his hair, lulling him into sleep. But now there’s nothing. He can hear wood cracking in the fireplace and in the air there’s the scraped scent of their activities: leftovers from dinner, the mixed scent of wet winter wear (thanks to Kevin for wanting to have a snow fight outside) but also from the body washes and scented shampoos from when they were done.

When Neil finally coaxes himself out of his nap and opens his eyes, he finds himself alone. There’s the light of the fireplace casting shadows in the living room, but otherwise there’s just darkness inclosing the living room. It’s 7 p.m. if his phone is anything to go by and everything seems uncharacteristically quiet.

As Neil tries to shake away the numbness of his bones, a light turns on and soft steps echo down the stairs. A few beats of his heart pass and then Andrew is at the bottom of the stairs, in sweatpants and a simple white shirt, a wool blanket folded over his arms. He looks good, delicate features painted in the set of his cheeks and the lightness of his lips, and Neil startles with the thought that crosses his mind when Andrew finds him from across the room, and nothing flashes before his face but brief surprise before he’s making a bee-line towards the couch Neil is curled on.

Neil has seen Andrew build up the resistance on his expression of people – but he has never seen him deliberately put it down like he just did. Just that thought is enough to make Neil's heart jump in his chest.

“He’s alive,” Andrew says, stopping right in front of Neil. The hem of shirt riding up against his sweatpants to reveal a bit of skin looks soft, and Neil fights back the urge to run his fingers through it.

“Something like that,” Neil replies, surprised at the roughness in his own voice. He watches Andrew fight back a smile at that, running his hand through his own hair to keep himself from reaching out and touching him.

Andrew passes him the blanket with no explanation and shoves his hands inside the pockets of his pants. “Hot chocolate?”

“With the condition that I get Bailey’s in mine,” Neil rebuts, barely keeping himself from smiling. He decides not to think too much about the blanket, still warm from being held by Andrew, and just covers his folded legs with it. “Where’s everyone?”

“Dan and Matt are upstairs resting, apparently she’s been feeling a lot of fatigue,” Andrew explains. “Kevin has retired for the night, something about calling his boyfriend. The rest of them have gone off to some party at the principal building.”

Neil makes a noise at that, eyes fixed of Andrew’s back as he moves around the kitchen.

As Andrew prepares some hot chocolate, Neil allows himself to compile a mental list, checking facts into two columns.

What he knows: he and Andrew kissed. He enjoyed it. Andrew makes little noises when he gets his lower lip bitten. Andrew tastes like nicotine and something sweet. His neck flushes after kissing for some time. He would love to kiss Andrew again.

What he doesn’t know: if Andrew also wants to kiss him again.

He feels like there’s nothing to gain from beating around the bush, ignoring this constant uncertainness of where they stand. He settles on resolving it, so when Andrew comes by with two mugs filled with marshmallows to the top and inserts himself under the other bit of the blanket, legs tucked under himself and body turned sideways on the couch so he can look at Neil, there’s nothing he can do to keep himself from asking. “About the other day.”

“Yes,” Andrew says. He has his mug up to his face, taking a sip of what Neil guesses is boiling, fiery liquid before resting his elbow on the back of the couch and holding his temple in his hand.

“I just want you to know that if you regret it, you don’t have to be embarrassed about it or anything,” Neil mumbles, instead of saying what he really wants. Maybe Andrew knows that because he snorts.

“You are kind of dumb if you think I regret anything,” he tells him, eyes searching Neil’s face for a moment.

“Okay,” Neil breaths unevenly. “Why have you been avoiding me then?”

“I haven’t,” Andrew rebuts quickly, to which Neil raises an eyebrow, making him explain himself further. “Self-preservation.”

“What do you mean?” Neil tilts his head in confusion.

“It means, pretty boy,” Andrew starts, drawing out the pet name in a way that makes Neil shiver with expectation, “that I wouldn’t have been able to hold myself back and we had too many witnesses for me to do anything that I really wanted to do with you.”

Oh. _Oh_ , Neil thinks and feels the effect of Andrew’s words on his body: the way the blood floods to his cheeks, the tightness in his navel, the shakiness in his breath and the way his fingers tremble against the warm mug. “Oh,” he says, out loud, watching as Andrew smiles, minuscule and secret. At him, for him.

“Yeah, _oh_ ,” Andrew repeats in a mocking tone. Neil swallows the dryness around his throat, hoping that the tightness of it goes away with the action.

“Would you do something now?” Neil says, trying to show the otherwise empty room around them. He watches as the corners of Andrew’s mouth curl up a bit at a time.

“I propose,” Andrew starts, taking a sip from his hot chocolate. Neil wiggles under the blanket, patiently waiting for him to speak. “That we finish our drinks and go upstairs to my bedroom, so we can’t be interrupted.”

Neil can feel the full shiver that runs down his back at the tone of Andrew’s voice and allows himself to think of the implication of them. “Okay,” he agrees rather quickly.

Andrew seems to consider him for a moment, looking amused, before annexing his next words. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. We can stay here, if you prefer, or we can just talk in the bedroom too–”

“Andrew, I want it. I want you,” he confesses, rather sheepishly, but soaking in the way Andrew’s eyes darken with the revelation. “We can do both, too.”

“Talk and kiss?” Andrew asks, hand hovering a little over the area where Neil’s knee is under the covers. At Neil’s small nod, he places it down and runs his thumb through the wool. Even with at least two layers between them, Neil feels his skin burn with the attention.

“And more, if you want,” Neil says breathlessly and gulps down half of his hot chocolate. The only answer he gets from Andrew is a low humming sound.

From then on, it’s an easy progression. Neil finds himself pushed against the mattress in Andrew’s bedroom not long after, his pants thrown somewhere on the floor, Andrew’s hand on his chest – Neil had, in a moment of insanity, somewhere by the door, pushed it under his shirt and pressed it against his stomach, watching intently as Andrew’s expression changed, from confusion, to worry and, finally, understanding. It had helped calm some of his demons, so much so that right now he feels brave enough to let Andrew explore his torso, with a carefully concealed expression that told Neil everything he needed to know.

“Neil,” Andrew calls, lips close to his chest. “Neil,” he repeats after sucking a nipple into his mouth.

“Yes,” Neil replies, breathless and grounded by the gentle drag of hands down his side and the rough scraping of teeth against his navel. There’s something gentle but brutal in the pace Andrew is setting and Neil allows himself to just feel him setting every bit of his skin he touches, or kisses, or breathes in, ablaze.

“I want to take my time with you,” Andrew whispers, climbing up so their noses are touching and he’s looking into Neil’s eyes when he says: “I want to blow you.”

Neil can’t do anything but groan and nod enthusiastically for a while, but it’s clear that Andrew is not going to do anything without and explicit _yes_ from Neil which is amazing, really, but Neil feels like he’s being enthusiastic enough about his consent in this case. “Yes, Andrew,” he whispers before their lips meet again for another bruising kiss.

Neil doesn’t even know how to describe the lightness in his chest, the way he seems weightless, hovering in the air with all the bliss of having Andrew kiss his neck and all the way down his body, just kiss every expanse of skin he can reach and look at Neil like he wants him – and not in a _despite the scars_ way.

“May I?” Neil more feels than hears the questions against the skin of his thigh and it takes a lot of him to physically say yes because he doesn’t think he can process anything now.

Andrew takes the head of his cock into his mouth, swirling his tongue around for a while before taking him as far as he can and stroking what he can’t with a firm hand. There’s only so much Neil can do but grab at the duvet beneath him and writhe as Andrew sets a deliciously slow pace, bobbing his head and taking all of Neil in, swallowing around his shaft. It makes him bury his pleasure cries against the pillows, hoping to keep this Andrew to himself.

“ _God_ , you look so good,” Neil tells him in a whisper and Andrew looks up at him without ever changing the pace and it drives Neil crazy. He wants badly to just reach out and brush the hair falling over his eyes away. It’s maybe been a while, Neil thinks, as he watches Andrew carefully and skilfully break him apart, like a puzzle piece he’s easily figured out. It’s maybe from the build-up of days thinking about Andrew like this or the months since he’s had anything but his own right hand, but Neil quickly catches himself tipping incredibly close to the edge. He’s suddenly hit by the tightness in his navel and the way his legs tense under Andrew’s hand and then panics at the idea of this ending too soon.

“Wait, fuck, wait, Drew,” Neil scrambles for the words and Andrew is immediately off, thighs resting against his heels and frowning. He’s purposely not touching Neil anywhere and searching his face with intent. “Sorry, fuck, I didn’t mean it like that I just– I’m so close and I don’t want to come just yet.”

“Why?” Andrew seems to visibly relax at his reassurance, but he still looks unsure if he can touch.

“I just – I don’t it to end,” Neil confesses, running a hand trough the strands of hair that are sticking to his forehead. “Come here?”

Andrew slowly takes his stretched hand and moves so he’s hovering above Neil but not crowding him.

“Kiss me?” Neil asks, softer than he should be allowed to, but it’s okay because Andrew complies without second thought.

This kiss is as clumsy as the first bruising ones they have shared, but gentler and warmer than before, with Andrew’s hand stroking his cheek and his mostly naked body pressed against his.

“I have an idea,” Andrew says when they pull apart, Neil trying to chase his lips for a moment before he gives up and throws his head back against the pillows, trying to catch his breath. He can feel how hard he is and like he’s just about to blow up, so he decides to focus on taking deep breaths and concentrating on not coming just yet.

Andrew gets out of the bed, discarding his boxers somewhere along the way and searching his luggage for a moment before he pulls out a travel bottle of lube. He flops on the bed next to Neil, who does not even try to look away from his cock flapping unceremoniously against his stomach, flushed and waiting.

“Can I suck you off?” Neil asks shamelessly, propping himself up on his elbow so he could look down at Andrew and watch the way his eyes blow with darkness at the suggestion.

“Yeah,” is the only answer he needs before he’s going down Andrew’s chest, pushing his cotton long-sleeved shirt up to kiss his chest and create a path of saliva down his belly. Andrew’s hand flies to his hair and guide him the rest of the way down until he’s face to face with his dick. Objectively, is a very pretty one and that thought alone makes him giggle and drags a smile out of Andrew when he tells him so.

He doesn’t stall any longer, taking the head into his mouth and hollowing his cheeks as he bobs his head a couple of times, taking Andrew as far as he can without gagging. He doesn’t mind the tanginess, the salt taste on his tongue as he presses it against the shaft. Andrew is whispering profanities just a few minutes later, stomach tensing under Neil’s hand as he continues to suck is climax.

Neil hasn’t done anything like this in months, but he still remembers how to look good sucking dick, so he pulls out all stops: glancing up at Andrew form under his eyelashes, tonguing at his slit with his eyes closed, frowning slightly as if to keep his own pleasure at bay, moaning every time Andrew hits the back of his throat, pulling away slowly, leaving a line of saliva connecting them still. And before, this has never done anything for him, but the way Andrew tenses under him, groans and burrows his head against the side of the pillow to muffle the louder sounds he makes twists something in him and Neil wants to rut against the mattress to release some of the pressure inside that makes him lightheaded.

“Come here,” Andrew demands in a whisper, pushing the hair sticking to Neil’s forehead back and dragging him up with his hands on his thighs until he is sitting back against Andrew’s legs, straddling him. He reaches for the lube he’s thrown in the bed and squirts some of the liquid in Neil’s hand, guiding it so he’s holding both of their cocks with it. Neil shivers at the contact of the cold lube and Andrew’s warm member against his own, but quickly understands what Andrew wants from him and, with some difficulty, starts stroking both their members in his hand in a broken pace.

Andrew’s hands and running paths through his body, groping his ass to bring them closer together, pinching a nipple lightly, forcing Neil’s hips to work with the movements of his hand and bringing him closer and closer to his high point. He can barely look away from Andrew, in bed with his shirt bundled under his armpits, now barely concealed moans leaving his lips every time Neil twists his wrist in a certain way, eyes never leaving Andrew’s.

There are profanities and sweet nothings being whispered in the air and a set rhythm of wet skin connecting at their cores. Andrew looks regal and ethereal, thrown back against the messy duvet and panting loudly. Neil can’t take it anymore, feeling the way something coils inside of him, pleasure building up impossibly high until he can finally feel everything crashing down on his: he squeezes the hand around their cock and pumps them both in sync with the move of his hips and Neil is coming all over his hand and Andrew’s stomach, dropping himself over his shoulder as he shakes with the force of his orgasm. Andrew’s pants can be heard next to his ear when he reaches down and helps Neil stroke himself through his orgasm until he’s sensitive, jumping away from the overstimulating touch.

“Let me,” Neil says not after a second of silence, and starts to go down again on Andrew without hesitation, catching both his precum and his own cum with his tongue and setting a quick pace. Andrew groans and pulls at his hair, strokes his cheek while keeping his eyes steady on Neil.

When he comes, stomach and thighs tensing under and over Neil, mouth hanging open but not a single sound coming out of it, there’s a glazed glint to him eyes that make Neil want to go again.

“Gorgeous,” Neil tells him as he brings Andrew down from his high, spreading their mess all over Andrew’s sensitive member and stomach while he allows him to take a breath. There’s a kiss pressed to the conjunction of Andrew’s leg and hip, wet and soft and when Neil looks up from his spot between Andrew’s legs, he finds him already watching with intent.

There’s nothing to do after that but bask in the feeling of each other.

“What are you doing on the 31st?” Neil asks him after Andrew has cleaned both the mess and them and has allowed Neil to curl up against his side under the covers. He feels a weird amount of relaxed and content, basking in the bliss of being thoroughly known and he feels brave, even if for a moment. Most importantly: he knows he doesn’t want this to end so with the return ticket to New York heavy in his luggage, Neil takes a leap and hopes, that Andrew is willing to catch him.

“Going to Renee and Allison’s party, why?” Andrew’s voice betrays what his carefully concealed expression doesn’t let him see. He’s tracing random patterns on Neil’s hipbone that make him shiver and all more than willing to go for round two (three?).

“I was thinking,” Neil starts, and he has to press the smile that’s forming on his face against Andrew’s neck. “We could make it a date?”

“Yeah, we can,” is the only answer he gets from Andrew before he’s being pressed closer to his chest. Neil allows himself to sink into the feeling of being in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to chat here's my social media:  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/agstdboi)  
> [Tumblr](https://moonliza-rd.tumblr.com)


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